Chemo in the Time of Covid: My Winter “Olympic” Challenge.
If I were to label cancer surgery as a sprint, then chemo, Covid 19 and the bitter cold of a New England during winter make it a marathon. I prepared as best I could but I found out you can’t train for treatment like you can for the Olympics. There are similarities but too many surprises.
Like an athlete, staying within myself was the biggest challenge. Maintaining self-discipline and a steady mind set takes constant vigilance. “You have to run your own race” they say. At every turn chemo can create all sorts of unpredictable reactions specific to you like a bloody nose, severe dehydration, an optical migraine, light-headedness, dizziness, hair loss, digestive issues, massive fatigue and neuropathy. Forget the gymnastics ten-point landings, some days it was a challenge just to walk into the kitchen.
And all this amidst daily reports of thousands dying due to Covid 19. Like many, many others I had to navigate the pandemic in isolation while my immune system took a major hit. Medical offices, labs, testing places and infusion centers restricted access to anyone who was not a patient so I was dropped off and picked up for most visits, including major surgery. But once inside, I met amazing teams of professionals at work, prepared to give us all the best of care.
I balanced that out by checking in with my healers. They guided me through the process of healing myself and emphasize that it’s ok to feel what you feel. Fear, anger, guilt, impatience and resentment show up because weeks of treatment takes endurance and stamina. It also takes a lot of energy to hang on to negative emotions. Healers are the “coaches” who help you sustain your energy when you’re alone.
The healing process helped me understand that fatigue had purpose. In other words, if I wasn’t exhausted I’d be up and about, running errands and pushing myself all the way. Fatigue made me stop. Stopping made me rest and resting helps my body heal itself. Healers are helping me through my own personal “triathlon”: surgery, chemo and, next up, radiation.
Of course none of this is doable without the love and support of our dearest family members and friends. They see you through it all cause they remember you healthy and vibrant. They bring you food, gifts, cards and notes. They give you hugs when you need them. They send you emails, texts or call to talk. Sometimes them just checking in is all you need. And maybe that is what the whole experience is about - allowing others to be there for us so we can be there for them.
Weeks ago I jokingly asked the chemo nurse, “Do I get a trophy when I’m done with all of this?” She laughed and said, “We don’t have trophies but we have you ring the bell and we give you a certificate.” I couldn’t wait for that moment and that moment was captured in this photo a few days ago with one of my fabulous nurses. I’m two thirds of the way to the finish line and what you can’t see (behind my Covid mask) is me grinning, from ear to ear.