I Drove Over Bambi!

Well not exactly, but that’s what it felt like. This deer was an adult laying peacefully in my lane. There was no twitching, it was already dead.

I know what dead looks like. Years ago I worked for a veterinarian. Part of my job was to gently hold someone’s pet while the vet put ‘em down. Those animals were quietly suffering and there was no other option. They always seemed like they were in another zone ready to leave their misery.

But this night was really different. I wanted the impossible — to get into the left lane, fast. Cars were passing me at a pretty good clip and they honked at me when I tried. Stopping was not an option as even more cars showed up in my rear-view mirror. It was a dark stretch of highway when my headlights lit up the road, but only after it was too late.

As the driver, my thoughts went flying. What part of the deer’s body could I drive over causing the least trauma to me or my husband? I chose the lower legs. There was no grace time, I had to make a move. Sometimes we are that guy. That guy who appears dense and clueless. That guy who seems to have more options than he really does.

I don’t want to be that guy we criticize, judge, and blame without knowing the whole story. But, at that moment, I was him and felt sickened by the thumping sound under my tires as I drove through the scene. But that’s how it is sometimes — things come up that we’re not prepared for. Things that challenge our beliefs and give us few choices. Things that force us to have faith and trust in the universe that it will all be ok.

The next day, in the sunlight, my car doors showed spots of red. Hundreds of tiny blood splatters. Like a real-life CSI moment, a grim reminder of last nights event. I didn’t want to feel guilty. The sight of his blood made me think of the deer and thank him for his service. After all, animals are here for us — to admire and learn from.

It’s a somber moment when the spirit leaves the body but, in a vet hospital, the animals are always surrounded by people who care. By contrast, it’s sad to see animals in the road who have been mangled, anonymously by cars. Even when they’re no one’s pet the scenario can be gut-wrenching for us and them. I don’t know anyone who feels good about it.

As this kind of thing is sure to happen again and again I can only pray that all beings, walking on four legs (or two) don’t suffer and no one gets traumatized.

Pat McGrath