Now where was I?
Oh yeah - it was late October and I was sailing along till I heard the phrase “we see cancer cells.” Diagnosis: Stage 3 Endometrial Cancer.
At first it was shocking and upsetting but everything afterwards happened so fast I couldn’t catch my breath. Surgery and heavy duty pain killers will do that. I barely got through one thing when I had to prepare for the next. What turned out to be dozens of tests, scans, and procedures (like major surgery and post treatment) has led me to where I am now - halfway through chemo and ready to resurface.
In our culture the word cancer is powerful. It’s even used to name buildings, institutions, programs and organizations. Based on what I see, its power comes from fear. The fear of the unknown, the fear of how my body was going to respond to surgery and post treatment, the fear of losing hold on “normal life”, the fear of loss in general and, OPF - other peoples fear.
As soon as I was diagnosed I entered the world of the medical community with its unfamiliar language, prescriptions, procedures, equipment, requirements, and personnel. And then there is figuring out all the insurance! As the patient, it takes a lot of energy and awareness to stay centered and not fall into the black abyss of disease. It can be overwhelming.
But when I first shared my diagnosis with my colleague, Jacqueline Kane, she had a different viewpoint on it all. She said, “You are birthing the new you.” Alright, I’ll take it! Her response helped me clarify what I really wanted - to focus on the energy of healing and well-being instead of the energy of disease. And, since thoughts are energy, we began there.
Before each chemo infusion we meet and she guides me through exercises that help me rout out any negative thoughts and beliefs I may have. She then helps me release the energy of those old beliefs so I can be free to create new, stronger, and healthier beliefs to carry into treatment. That process is powerful and is making all the difference. I don’t feel like a victim and the medical community is taking note.
Jackie and I are also acknowledging the gifts of cancer - like a new awareness of life and the generosity and, thoughtfulness, of my amazing family members and friends. A reminder that asking for, and receiving, help is often as important as giving it. I’m on a roll now as I begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And I want to thank everyone for everything. I am grateful for it all!
Pat McGrath