Posting my bald head.
I wasn’t going to post this picture of my bald head but then changed my mind. Hair loss is a reality of chemo. And it’s my experience right now. At first, I didn’t want to scare people. Then I realized that’s the power of cancer - it scares people. It scared me. Isn’t it time for a new perspective?
My first appointment after surgery was called chemo “education.” This is when the doctors and nurses are required to tell you what you might experience in post-treatment. The list is extensive and not pleasant. The only thing they can guarantee is hair loss and fatigue.
Fatigue hits at unpredictable times and, as you can see, the hair loss comes in its own time. They recommend shaving it off yourself because it’s less traumatic than watching it come out in clumps. But I couldn’t do it till I was ready. I couldn’t imagine being as bald like my husband and brothers. And now I bonding with them in a new way!
What I found out is that the anticipation of all of this has been far worse than the actual experience. For example, as soon as I got the scary diagnosis, highly trained and, devoted, medical experts seemed to magically appear and administer their cures i.e. surgery and treatment. And I’m eternally grateful.
However, curing the disease doesn’t heal you from the deeper experience. Healers do that. They help you release the energy of the experience from your mind and body while you learn more about yourself. They ask questions like, “What emotions are coming up for you during 5 hours of chemo?” and it goes on from there.
They tell you “what you focus on grows.” As a result, I don’t intend to focus on cancer. On the surface, hair loss strips away the public facade of who we are. It may make other people focus on the cancer but we have a choice. We get to decide what we want to identify with.
So here’s my strategy going forward: I won’t be joining any cancer groups, I won’t be wearing the word cancer on a T-shirt, or wearing any colored ribbons. I won’t be calling myself a cancer survivor (at 73 I’ve already survived plenty and I don’t call myself a survivor of those things). I will be investigating: why it’s here, what I can do for myself and how I can help others. I will work with it and then watch it leave my body.
It’s comforting and, so amazing, to find out how powerful our thoughts and emotions are. It’s magical to find out that it’s really all about getting the energy unstuck so it doesn’t fester and block. Energy is meant to move. That’s my strategy and I’m sticking to it. Stay tuned…